Trip to Hastings

Ive been trying to load on some photos that i took in hastings. they're pretty kool. Ah well. Well we went down to Hastings becuase my sisinlaw Tatiana, her mother passed away. She was a very lovely lady, she always had a story to tell about how she raised her kids to what she used to do. On the drive down, I couldnt stop crying. I kept thinking about how wonderful she must feel. Because last time I saw her, she was in a lot of pain. I was thinking about how Tangi and what Tangi was doing. I was getting massive jealous that my niece, and everyone else got to spend time with him. hahaha. I was thinking about a lot of things, but mostly that I missed my husband. I wished he was here to come down to Hastings with me. Im still pretty tired. Ive been tired quite a lot. In need of a power nap in the middle of the day. And that is regardless of if my day is busy or not. I just dont have that extra energy. Ive been snapping at the kids, for being kids. And even tho mum and dad are just inside, I still find it tough beiing a single mum. I've pretty much been a solo mother since Tangi was diagnosed with Leukemia. Trying to figure strategies that suit only me is hard. Not having anyone to take the load everyday is difficult. Even just so I can have a sleep. Trying to make sure they eat, even when i'm not eating. Making sure that its healthy food for them to eat and not just junk. Sometimes I wonder if I can even be bothered with anything. Sometimes all i want to do is just cry and do nothing. But these kids make me have to get up and do things. Just to make sure that theyre ok. dupri and Pearl still dont know much has happened. I will have to tell them when theyre old enough to understand. But at the moment, just making sure they recognise their dad when they see his picture. I miss my love, my babe