Follow up on my diet

Ok, so I've slipped up a couple times but I am honestly losing mass. The weight is staying at the same for the last 2 weeks which is awesome, at least it isnt increasing. hahaha. But my belly is getting slowly smaller, well either that or i'm getting stronger stomach musceles to hold the flab in a little bit better. Either way, I can fit into these jeans that were a whole lot too tight at one stage. So hopefully its not the denim thats stretching either. I've had comments that my face is getting skinnier which is good. But still have a long way to go.
Pearl has finally been able to stay in nursery for the entire 2 hours for the last 2 weeks. Just waited until she was completely immersed in playing with the toys and then I would sneak out which was better than saying bye to her. Because otherwise she packs up a huge fuss and no one can calm her down. She's getting better at it tho, ot learn to go outside her comfort zone.
I had a dream the other night of me being interviewed by Ellen Degeneres over in America. And that I had written a book that blew up all over the world. And then she asked me ot get up and sing. And I was mega awesome and everyone was clapping and cheering. hahaha, still it was only a dream. For some reason, I've been having this feeling that something really huge is missing in my life. That even though I'm happy where I am, I don't feel whole.
And then I know that this will never happen, but I always wonder what it wouldve been like if I never had kids, I would be able to totally immerse myself in self pity and just work and work until I could go over to America and lose myself in everything over there. Oh well, I have been having pretty strong thoughts about seeing what its like over in America. Even for a couple months to a year and see if its a place that i would be happy, a different atmosphere and culture. I don't know. But in regards to having a job to be able to support us, its a little bit different. Or i could jsut have one of those arranged marriages for convenience to an american and then i can fly to and from america whenever i wanted and it wouldnt matter. hahaha. far out, what crazy stuff huh! I've been missing the adventure of life and also missing my hubby who shared that adventure with me. My kids are too young to enjoy it just yet and I don't really have anyone else who can come along for hte ride. It sometimes gets frustrating that all I want to do is curl up into a little ball and disappear. But I can't.
I love my calling, it keeps me busy and the ladies that i work with, they're pretty amazing. We've all had our trials and some of us are still going thru some, but they're so awesome to work with. they are really good for the girls. I've had to slow myself down a few times so that i'm doing my calling and not eveyrone elses. hahaha. but more so, i keep reminding myself that i'm only the secretary and nothing else. I havnt done much with my schoolwork., but tried to finish the second assignment. which is getting harder since i can't concentrate that well with the kids at home with me. So i'm still waiting for pearl to get a place in the daycare down the road so i can commit more time to schoolwork. And then i'll have less cleaning ot do throughout the day. oh the joys of motherhood.
Sometimes i wonder if I really felt like this with Tangi alive and healthy. And to be honest, yeah i did feel like i wasnt completely whole, like i needed to do something more with myself but just couldnt figure out exactly what it was. Tangi knew there was something a little off but i just want to experience more of life. My goals at the moment is trying ot finish my certificate in Travel Consultant. Then once i'm finished that I might look at going to school fulltime or partime and getting a partime/fulltime job. But i definatley want to be able to travel with my kids. So that they can say that they had an awesome childhood wth lots of fun and laughter. Its the memories that matter the most to me. Nothing else is really a priority but the memories.