bleh

I feel like I'm writing the same things over and over on here, but I still feel the same way, just because this is a blog doesnt mean that I feel differently every single day and that I have to find something different to write. I'm going to write whatever I'm feeling that day because that is what this blog is for.

One of the things that I keep thinking about is why did this have to happen to my family. Why couldnt this happen to someone else. I know thats selfish, but we are both young. Tangi was only 27, we just started our family. I'm 24 and already a widow with two children under the age of 3. I would always tell Tangi ' Why couldnt we have been given us something else, why did it have to be this.'
I was trying to think of so many reasons to why Tangi was better use in heaven than here on earth. I thought about all the things that he did. He was a convert to the church, he served a mission and we got sealed in the temple. We were doing our best with everything. One thing his extended family said when Tangi first got diagnosed was that he was being cursed for how we treated his sister. What bull!!!! Seriously!!!!! There's a reason to why we didnt want much of a cultural influence in our wedding etc. Because there's so much crap that's being told as if it's truth. Even on the maori culture side of things, yeah it's traditional and so you respect that, but to try and get other people to believe it. Me and Tangi always put our religion as our main culture. Not the cook island culture and not the maori culture. We did want to have a little bit of those in our lives so our children knew where they came from but not to have it influence their decisions. Only the gospel should be influencing their decisions and thats it.
Now if you're wondering about the sister thing, well I will touch base on a little bit of what happened.
We had asked for Tangi's lil sister to come and live with us because she wasnt doing well at home. Her parents agreed with us that there was more opportunities for her and that we were able to give her those opportunities. Well her being as stubborn as she is, decided that she thought she knew better and didnt want to listen and did nothing with the opportunities that were there. So after about 6 months with her not listening, I had given birth to our daughter, Dupri was getting into the terrible two stage and it was just too much to deal with all at once. She was getting even worse with her behaviour and attitude towards us so we sent her away. Twice actually. So thats the gyst of what happened. Hopefully she has learnt from what happened over there in Sydney but wished that it didnt happen in the first place.
So I'm 24 and I've already experienced a hell of lot that other people don't experience until they're mid 40's or something.

But yeah, thats just how i've been feeling today. Is why couldnt this have happened to someone else.