thoughts

I'm pretty tired and it seems that I just cry at the oddest times sometimes, and in front of people. Not that it's a bad thing. But I actually thought that I had conquered that part of the process. But today, one of my mates asked me 'How are you doing? Are you ok?' And I could feel the tears welling up and my throat was starting to hurt. Man, I wonder how long it will take. It has only been 3 months, going on 4 months now. And it still hurts as bad as it first happened. It hurts as when it felt when we first found out about when Tangi was sick. Because it did feel like in a way that he had died, but he hadnt. but that was the thoughts that were running thru our minds, are you're going to die. whats going to happen to us. how am i going to be able to support this family now. It's been pretty tough.

This year, I have 2 weddings, so far, that I'm attending. One as a guest, and the other as family. Not too sure about the year after tho. But at the moment, I'm just focusing on this year. I'm just focusing on this week. And will see how it goes. So tomorrow, Dupri starts daycare. And it's also my motherinlaws birthday tomorrow too. Not sure what to do, other than be down there with her, but at the moment, it's a bit of an outstretch. so a phonecall will have to do at the moment. Or a letter or something from the kids. Not sure yet. Tuesday, dupri goes to daycare, he's there till 1230pm. And then again on Friday. And sometime in between then, I'm to recieve my Twilight series books which I have been hopelessly hanging out for. I'm not too sure whats driving me into wanting these books and watching the movie over and over again. But somethings happening. hahaha. I think it may be that obsession. ah well.

Ok, i think i may have a couple new years goals. I don't like saying resolutions because that means that i'm changing something. Whereas I'm not changing much, just either improving or making goals. Ok

1. Attend temple every week.
2. Safely lose 25 kilos by December.
3. Fix the car
4. Finish my Travel Consultant Course with flying colours.
5. Put Dupri into a full week of daycare by September, 20 hours a week.
6. Get Dupri fully toilet trained this year
7. Start Pearls toilet training
8. Make less bills
9. Win Lotto
10. Be happy

So, I think thats enough, there's a whole lot more goals that I want to achieve this year. But I guess those are the main ones. I would really love to achieve number 9. I think everyone would love a piece of that one. hahaha.

Me, dupri and dad went out to the cemetary today to measure up the average size of the headstones. Just to get a proper gauge into how big a headstone will actually be. And what kind of design I'm looking at. I've got something in mind, but actually want it to be unique. So, still deciding. I want it to be something special just from me and the kids.

I do have a question tho, if anyone has seen a headstone of someone who is married, that has the names of the parents on there as well. I just want some feedback. Anything that suggests that will be appreciated. Thanks

I know that the names of the parents are on headstones of those who are single and young, but I personally havent seen any that are married. But yeah, any feedback please leave a comment on this post.

So yeah, i think thats it for today.