Trip to Hastings

Ive been trying to load on some photos that i took in hastings. they're pretty kool. Ah well. Well we went down to Hastings becuase my sisinlaw Tatiana, her mother passed away. She was a very lovely lady, she always had a story to tell about how she raised her kids to what she used to do. On the drive down, I couldnt stop crying. I kept thinking about how wonderful she must feel. Because last time I saw her, she was in a lot of pain. I was thinking about how Tangi and what Tangi was doing. I was getting massive jealous that my niece, and everyone else got to spend time with him. hahaha. I was thinking about a lot of things, but mostly that I missed my husband. I wished he was here to come down to Hastings with me. Im still pretty tired. Ive been tired quite a lot. In need of a power nap in the middle of the day. And that is regardless of if my day is busy or not. I just dont have that extra energy. Ive been snapping at the kids, for being kids. And even tho mum and dad are just inside, I still find it tough beiing a single mum. I've pretty much been a solo mother since Tangi was diagnosed with Leukemia. Trying to figure strategies that suit only me is hard. Not having anyone to take the load everyday is difficult. Even just so I can have a sleep. Trying to make sure they eat, even when i'm not eating. Making sure that its healthy food for them to eat and not just junk. Sometimes I wonder if I can even be bothered with anything. Sometimes all i want to do is just cry and do nothing. But these kids make me have to get up and do things. Just to make sure that theyre ok. dupri and Pearl still dont know much has happened. I will have to tell them when theyre old enough to understand. But at the moment, just making sure they recognise their dad when they see his picture. I miss my love, my babe

Its American time

And just in case you didnt notice. The time on the blogs is actually American time, Cause it's Monday 10.20am.

We're living with Mum and Dad at the back of their place in a sleepout next to the garage. It's pretty kool and private too. Still feel like we have some sort of independence. And don't have to be in each others faces so much. So it's pretty good. The kids enjoy it a lot, cause they get to run inside as much as they want and can come home when they want too. And they got more choice to run around. Whereas when we were inside, they didnt get much outside time. I'm trying to save for a few things that are happening Christmas and next year. My mums family, the Povey family are having a family Reunion at christmas, so we're flying down to Balclutha, which is south of dunedin for it. I havent seen my family for years. And then Tangi's unveiling will be next year. I'm still deciding on the date to have it and what kind of headstone. Something that will resemble both of us together. But i'm thinking that I want to go on a holiday, with either only myself or me and the kids. Like Fiji or somewhere like that. It would be kool just to relax and stuff. I think I do want to go somewhere that has a day spa definately. Help to unwind and relax, at least for a little while. But in the meantime, will check up on Jason's down in Taupo and see what I can do down there instead.

The kids were helping Nanny and Papa with their gardening. They were passing papa the branches. Dupri and Pearl were very good helpers on Saturday that they were soo tired, they went straight to bed.

These photos were taken at Dionte's Cook Island Avaiki Dance Practice. Pearl got up and was dancing with them. The group is pretty small and they need lots of work. Dionte was saying that they used to be a huge group but have dwindled over the year. The kids were excited when they heard the drums start up. So they ended up just running thru and around the dancers.

This is dupri's spiderman pose. So when he says Pidaman. That what he's saying. hahahahaa.

This is the usual cheesy grin. He's got the most crack up facials and always makes me laugh with his antics. Pearl's is a screwed up cheesy face. hahahaa.

These were good days to experience with my little family.

My Best Friend

I miss my best friend more than anything. I miss being able to talk to him and him talking back and giving me his opinion. I miss him just sitting there and looking at me. I miss being home with kids and hearing him walk thru the door from work. I miss being able to ask him if I can go and buy something just for me. I miss having close cuddles. I miss all his kisses. I miss the sound of his voice. I miss the kids faces everytime they see their dad. I miss his smell. I miss his wisdom and his sense of humour. I miss eating with him. I miss him enjoying what I've cooked for him. I miss going for swims with him. I miss being a family. I miss showing him off to everyone. I miss buying him clothes that I like, knowing that he'll like them too. I miss waking him up in the middle of the night. I miss his smile. I miss his kind and caring heart. I miss going places with him. I miss him introducing me to his friends and family. I miss his stories and dreams. I miss being able to plan our life together. I miss being able to raise our kids together. I wish my husband was here to be with me. I miss my best friend.