Things are a little bit calmer now. There's just soo much to think about. So I guess the easiest thing is just to list them all out and then it won't sound so dramatic.

Ok, first thing, My family over in Australia are ok I've heard. The fire is moving away from them thankfully but they're still not out of danger yet. Not until the rain comes or the weather starts cooling down. January and February are usually the most hottest months of the year. Dec is not too bad but never anything compared to the other two months. Especially in Australia where temperatures soar around 35+ for a few weeks at a time. Therefore causing massive electrical storms often, usually comes directly after a massively hot day. It's quite fascinating to watch actually, one time, We saw a storm where there was no rain at all yet, it was thundering and lightening. There was even a massive cloud, just rolling and rolling in the sky. It was scary to watch because it kinda reminded me of those alien movies where the clouds go dark and lightening coming thru them and then the spaceship appears thru the clouds. Yeah, more like Independence Day. haha. So yeah, My brother and his family are safe for now. Thank goodness.

Second thing, is that my motherinlaw is still in the hospital. The Dr's havent said anything about what they're going to do. She's basically been in hospital since yesterday and they've said nothing so far. It's quite frustrating actually. Especially when they don't have a time limit on their life. But yes I do realise that they have a lot of work to do considering how much of a workload they have to do and the majority of their work is problem solving. My motherinlaw has a massive hole in her lungs, which was caused by the drain they put in last time she went into hospital to drain the fluid from her lungs. And now, she's finding it even harder to breathe and it hurts when she coughs or moves suddenly. I suggested that she put a claim thru with ACC filing for 'Medical Misadventure' becuase it was the surgeon/Dr fault that she now has a hole in her lungs. So at the moment, jsut trying to go and spend time with her. It has been quite nice just to visit, it feels different for some reason. In some ways, I can feel Tangi there looking out for her. Took her a watermelon and some grapes today. The watermelon is $3.00 each and they are ripe and juicy as. Yummm!!!!!

Third thing, Even tho I've had comments that I look good, I still feel quite tired and stressed. I've been trying to get more sleep but it doesnt usually happen for me unless i'm absolutely exhausted. Which is nearly alll the time. And when I finally get into bed, I can't sleep anyway. And then by about 2 or 3am I'm starting ot feel exhausted enough to go to sleep. And of course, makes me feel even more tired thruout the day because my kids wake me up at 8am now. which still isnt enough rest but ah well, better than nothing i reckon.

So I think thats the 'Have heaps of things on my mind" thing. hahaha. See, I told you that when I write it out it just sounds stupid. But having it in your head at one time gets quite overwhelming. I've got a meeting tonight, then another one on Friday for YW. And a meeting tomorrow for personal things. And a wedding on Saturday. And I still have to make sure that i have time for my motherinlaw too as well as get everything else done and sorted. Funny how, if I was to get paid for this, it'll be a good job. hahaha. Oh well.

Anyway, I'm trying to make sure that I'm OK. doing the best I can at the moment. A lot of things to keep me busy and not think about my selfpity.

Stress and hectic.

Well yesterday was a special day. Me and the kids went to Hiran's baptism and birthday. It was a real nice experience, especially for my kids to see. Was able to tell Dupri a little bit about what baptism is. So that was special.

I also got a phonecall from one of Tangi's family saying that their mum isnt doing too good. So have been up at the hospital most of the day, came back to put the kids to bed and hopefully wait for someone to come and look after the kids for me. While I go back up there and make sure the Dr's and that are doing the right thing for her. And relay the info back to her family. So, here's hoping. She will be going home for good, and it's literally going to be anytime now. Api had a few times where she felt like she was slipping away. But she's holding on with everything she has. Sometimes you wonder why, when you're so close to death that you still try to hold on. Wouldnt it be more wonderful on the other side. I know that for me, i would be constantly worried about my kids. Because right now, they do need me. But when the time comes, would i be trying to hold on as much as Api is, or would I accept it and move on like Tangi. I hope that I'll make the right decision either way.

Well I need to get off here and start getting things ready because it looks like we'll be in Tok for a week or two.

Would you believe at all that if Heavenly Father said ' Who wants to come home early to help with the work here?' Do you reckon that many people wouldve said yes. Do you think that all those kids who died with cot death were the ones who said yes. What about those who died in car crashes or even cancer??
In some ways, I could believe that that's what Tangi wouldve agreed to. That he wouldve said yes, before he came here. Well, it's something thats nice to think about. It would anser a few questions, especially about why he was taken from me. Not that I owned him or anything, but dying as an old wrinkly smelly person sounded a lot better than dying earlier. Actually, I told Tangi one time, that I want to die young, cause then at least I'll still look semi good. hahaha. But, who knows. No one ever knows when their time is up.
I've been observing my motherinlaw. She doesnt have long to go, but you can't really tell how long she actually has because she has some pretty good days, and then some pretty bad days. But you can't really tell. She's been told by her specialist that they're going to start her on chemo again, but she's going to say no to them, because she can't handle it anymore. She actually thinks that the chemo killed Tangi. I honestly don't know what to think. I think a lot of things killed him, but I won't absolutely say it was the chemo. Because, we always knew that there wasnt actually any cure for Leukemia. It's just something that helps to keep it at bay, by trying to give them a chance. But it's definately a nice thought, that those who have died while they're young, that they offered to do it for something greater.

I'm actually freaking out a little bit because my brother and his family live in Victoria. And they live pretty much in a forest area. And there are forest fires over there at the moment. Last time we spoke to them, was that the fire is about 20ks away but they need to get their houses ready in case it comes closer. They constantly have to watch out for embers so that they don't start any extra fires. So, theyre cleaning out the gutters to put water in them and if the fire gets closer then they'll start spraying the house to help save it. Man, its so scary thinking that they've got to do this just to survive. They've had 40+ heat for the last few weeks so everything is absolutely flammable as. There's already been some fatalities and I'm just hoping that it doesnt happen to them. They've got masks and everything that they need. Filling up their car, if they need to run for it. that's just soooo scary. But they said that they'll ring if it gets closer to them. It sounds like the locals are helping them out a bit because this'll be their first forest fire and they know that they'll be freaking out a lot.

i love listening to the Twilight soundtrack. Mostly because it's quite relaxing at times. The kids love it too. Dupri sings along to it and Pearl just dances at the first note being played. hahaha. she has a shoulder thing going on which is cute as. Ah well better go