Now I thought that this was worth a mention.
Did you know that as well as YSA which is 18 - 35, and SA which is 35 and over. There is now a group called the mid singles which is 30 -40 something. hahaha. And the activities compromise with sitting around with the karaoke machine at someones house. A couple people I know fit into the mid singles catergory because they feel too old for the 18 year olds and too young for the 70 year olds. hahahaha. As for me, I've been told to just stick with the YSA for now. Since I'm only 25.
I did get an invite to a SA activity and graciously declined because I knew I would be the youngest person there. And then I thought about it, where exactly do I fit in. There isn't a class for me. Most of the widows are in the SA programme and they're 70 and over. And if there are any single parents in YSA, they've never been sealed in the temple. I wonder if i should just go for some non members instead. Then there's less chance of getting messed up later. But then again, i should just stay single for the rest of my life and keep myself so busy that i don't need to fill the loneliness with anything else. haha.
One thing that came to my mind was that I've had a few comments that what I write is really funny. I think it's a serious topic or something but people seem to think that it's quite funny. Or bits of it anyways, so I thought that maybe I'm more like Jennifer Aniston, that there are just some things where I think I'm being serious but it comes across as something funny. hmmm. yeah maybe i'll pass on that or something.
So that were a couple things i thought i would mention. It's been a kool couple of days lately. I've had a couple good things happen which i will mention in later posts, only because I have to confirm these things first before i write them down. but it's worth noting that there's osmething good coming up on the horizon.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
109 posts
I can't remember exactly when i started this blog but it was definately after Tangi passed away which would make it going on 9 months since he left. Which isn't that long ago. One minute I relive everything that we went through and the next minute, it feels like it was so long ago.
The amount of time that passed since he was diagnosed is 19 months. So I guess I really count it from when he was diagnosed because that's when the nightmare started. I can still remember vividly how everything happened, how I felt, what his face looked like and our horror at the news. Well he was fine with the news but I wasn't. I remember one night when we were watching tv together, and i turned and asked him. 'Why is it, that you find it hard to fight this babe?' He just turned to me and replied 'It was easy at the beginning, until I started feeling the pain. The pain is what makes it nearly unbearable to deal with.'.
Now one thing that the nurses said was that guys were usually the big babies compared to the girls and Tangi didn't want to be put into that catergory but he was in so much pain. And to be in so much pain for such a long time.
Even when he didn't have cancer, he would have pins and needles in his back and had to sleep on the floor just to feel a bit more comfortable. There were days up at the hospital that when I brushed his skin, it really hurt him and he flinched his hand away immediately. I always wonder if going through labour and childbirth is anything compared to the pain that cancer patients feel. The difference between the two is that you know for a fact that the labour will stop whereas you don't know when the cancer pain will end, or if it ever will.
The amount of time that passed since he was diagnosed is 19 months. So I guess I really count it from when he was diagnosed because that's when the nightmare started. I can still remember vividly how everything happened, how I felt, what his face looked like and our horror at the news. Well he was fine with the news but I wasn't. I remember one night when we were watching tv together, and i turned and asked him. 'Why is it, that you find it hard to fight this babe?' He just turned to me and replied 'It was easy at the beginning, until I started feeling the pain. The pain is what makes it nearly unbearable to deal with.'.
Now one thing that the nurses said was that guys were usually the big babies compared to the girls and Tangi didn't want to be put into that catergory but he was in so much pain. And to be in so much pain for such a long time.
Even when he didn't have cancer, he would have pins and needles in his back and had to sleep on the floor just to feel a bit more comfortable. There were days up at the hospital that when I brushed his skin, it really hurt him and he flinched his hand away immediately. I always wonder if going through labour and childbirth is anything compared to the pain that cancer patients feel. The difference between the two is that you know for a fact that the labour will stop whereas you don't know when the cancer pain will end, or if it ever will.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
stuff on my mind
MICHAEL JACKSON.
Ok so i thought that i should at least give the guy some recognition on here. He is the best musician who was really versatile and energetic. I really loved listening to his music and watching his mini movies.
Okay the other thing that was on my mind was that it was my birthday a couple days ago. Actually, it was the day before Michael Jackson died. So I am now 25. And believe it or not, but my shoulders feel heavier with that one day difference from 24 to 25. It's weird. I actually feel older now. I invited a friend over and my family for dinner. It was really yum and it all went fast too. I made my usual awesomely yummy food and everyone else brought a plate and mum bought the KFC. It was really nice to have everyone there. And then we had the cake, and I didn't even get to suck a breath in before the candles were blown out. hahaha. But i didn't mind. The kids did a good job at it. And then mum gathered everyone up to go in the lounge and wanted everyone to say something nice about me. I was really flattered with the things that my brother, sisterinlaws (both of them), mum and dad and friend said. They were really awesome to hear that I actually made a difference in their lives. But when it came to my nieces and nephews, I was a little shocked when they didn't have anything to say at all. They just sat there quiet and didn't want to say anything. Now I figured that it must've been because they were either really shy or actually didn't have anything nice to say about me. I tried to not let it get to me much but i couldn't help thinking that I may actually be that horrible that my own neices and nephews don't have anything nice to say about me. I must be a really horrible aunty. So that actualy hurt my pride a bit. But mostly because I could say a heap of stuff about every single person in the room. Even the little babies. But it's not something I'm going to dwell on too much. But it's definately something that I'm not going to have again. I think I would rather not have that done with me than have my own family go blank.
On another note, now this annoyed me a lot. Back when I used to be a fresh new YSA, which was 6 years ago. I was thought of as a flirt by most of the girls in YSA. And mostly because I got along with the guys really well. I mingled with them pretty easily. I went out with one of my old guy mates to the movies the other day and he was saying how much i would flaunt it everywhere and that when we were at dances, all the guys were checking me out becuase of how i danced and the girls would be hating on me. I laughed at that because I knew that was true. But then I was chatting to another old mate and he said that the YSA still view me as that guy grabbing flirt. These kats are still in YSA of course. The ones who didn't like me much and obviously were really threatened by me. In some cases, it makes me not want to go back to YSA if I have to endure that all over again. But it's more of the fact that, I now am a mother, with 2 children, and married and yet i'm still labelled as a flirt. And I'm overweight yet I'm still classed as a threat. I would so laugh in their face if i was to get married again to another awesome as guy and they were still single. hahahahahahahaha. I would say to their face GOOD JOB!!!!!.
But I'm going to go now anyways, I've got movies to return and people to see before i go to bed. Ok.
Well thanks for reading!!!!
Ok so i thought that i should at least give the guy some recognition on here. He is the best musician who was really versatile and energetic. I really loved listening to his music and watching his mini movies.
Okay the other thing that was on my mind was that it was my birthday a couple days ago. Actually, it was the day before Michael Jackson died. So I am now 25. And believe it or not, but my shoulders feel heavier with that one day difference from 24 to 25. It's weird. I actually feel older now. I invited a friend over and my family for dinner. It was really yum and it all went fast too. I made my usual awesomely yummy food and everyone else brought a plate and mum bought the KFC. It was really nice to have everyone there. And then we had the cake, and I didn't even get to suck a breath in before the candles were blown out. hahaha. But i didn't mind. The kids did a good job at it. And then mum gathered everyone up to go in the lounge and wanted everyone to say something nice about me. I was really flattered with the things that my brother, sisterinlaws (both of them), mum and dad and friend said. They were really awesome to hear that I actually made a difference in their lives. But when it came to my nieces and nephews, I was a little shocked when they didn't have anything to say at all. They just sat there quiet and didn't want to say anything. Now I figured that it must've been because they were either really shy or actually didn't have anything nice to say about me. I tried to not let it get to me much but i couldn't help thinking that I may actually be that horrible that my own neices and nephews don't have anything nice to say about me. I must be a really horrible aunty. So that actualy hurt my pride a bit. But mostly because I could say a heap of stuff about every single person in the room. Even the little babies. But it's not something I'm going to dwell on too much. But it's definately something that I'm not going to have again. I think I would rather not have that done with me than have my own family go blank.
On another note, now this annoyed me a lot. Back when I used to be a fresh new YSA, which was 6 years ago. I was thought of as a flirt by most of the girls in YSA. And mostly because I got along with the guys really well. I mingled with them pretty easily. I went out with one of my old guy mates to the movies the other day and he was saying how much i would flaunt it everywhere and that when we were at dances, all the guys were checking me out becuase of how i danced and the girls would be hating on me. I laughed at that because I knew that was true. But then I was chatting to another old mate and he said that the YSA still view me as that guy grabbing flirt. These kats are still in YSA of course. The ones who didn't like me much and obviously were really threatened by me. In some cases, it makes me not want to go back to YSA if I have to endure that all over again. But it's more of the fact that, I now am a mother, with 2 children, and married and yet i'm still labelled as a flirt. And I'm overweight yet I'm still classed as a threat. I would so laugh in their face if i was to get married again to another awesome as guy and they were still single. hahahahahahahaha. I would say to their face GOOD JOB!!!!!.
But I'm going to go now anyways, I've got movies to return and people to see before i go to bed. Ok.
Well thanks for reading!!!!
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