Some things I've achieved thus far

Now, I've only gotten laughs and a little bit of mockery since telling my family, but I saw an advert in the local paper for a musical 'The Sound of Music' to be exact. I looked at it and just thought, 'i have no idea what i would sing and i wouldnt even be good enough'. But i was still curious about it. so i spoke about it to my dad and he just burst out that i should go and do it, it would be a good opportunity and it would be good to expose my children to that world. so i picked up the phone and booked an audition time.
apparently i hadn't till last minute to get an audition and so i couldn't get any songs or scripts sent to me. which was fine by me since this was a spur of the moment thing. but she said that she would be able to fit me in the next morning at 9am. So i was sweet with that. she asked me what role i was auditioning for, and i just said to her, well i don't know, whatever is available really. so she said that i would need to audition for the nuns chorus. so i was fine with that too.

so i went to the audition, and i was the second person to audition with them. it was weird because the person before me was a little girl who had a huge voice. she was really good. it was my turn and i gave them the song 'listen' by beyonce to sing and only got through 4 lines because the pianist couldn't find the next page. so they asked me to do scales instead. which i was fine with as well, they were easy as. and then they sent me on my way.

last thursday i got a letter, i opened it dreading the result and it said 'CONGRATULATIONS, YOU HAVE BEEN CAST IN THE PRODUCTION OF THE SOUND OF MUSIC' My gosh, i got the part. This was my first ever audition for anything and i actually got the part. i'm actually going to be on stage singing and performing. so i'm excited about that part of things.

Also i've decided that i will write about my experiences and put it into a book. it's nowhere near where it should be in regards to being anywhere close to a proper story but i figured that i would be able to put something together and see how things go from there. so that'll be good.

i've been thinking lots about tangi. he would've been so proud at what i've achieved so far. He was always supportive of what i wanted to do. And now i feel sometimes, that even though the rest of my family are supportive, i still feel alone.

there's a YSA conference on next month and i want to go to it, but none of my single YSA friends have contacted me about going. or contacted me for anything actually. And i've been doing the ringing and stuff. it's so frustrating actually. I don't want to go because i'm looking for someone, i want to go so that i can socialise with other people my age. the huge difference is that i'm a solo mother who has been married and is still technically married. my mother pointed out that i don't fit anywhere and she's right. i don't fit into the young married groups because my husband isn't here anymore, i don't fit into YSA because they're mostly single and never been sealed before so are looking for an eternal companion and i don't fit into SA because they'r emostly 35 and older. And i don't fit into YW either since I'm over 18. Any other widow is over 50 so it's just a matter of time before i have another breakdown or something. or it seems that way. I'm trying my hardest to just get myself together, which i have done mostly on my own, but during that time when i was at my lowest, i must've pushed away my friends so much that they don't really want to hang out anymore. so i'm back at square one. But then again, i have spoken with a couple of YSA guys who i used to hang out with and they say that i should come along and hang out, which i don't mind becuase we all used to be mates before i was married. but i just don't want to have to go all alone to meet people there who probably won't be there until the very end, and everyone else are so cold and stick to themselves. i feel like an inactive or something with the entire place not wanting to welcome me and stuff. i don't know if that sounds stupid or not but in some ways, i'm now kind of experiencing what they experience. i'm experiencing what my husband felt when he first moved to hamilton. no one wanted to say hi to him, to make him feel welcome. i was the only person who made him feel like hamilton was worth it. he actually hated hamilton people because they were cold and stuck to themselves. but hey, most of these cats know who i am anyway so its no big secret or anything of who i am and what i've been through but it's still the same scene. but anyway, thats enough of my moaning.

things are going pretty good for me and i should just learn to stop complaining when things are going quite good despite the circumstances. anyways, i'm going to make my kids dinner. my son calls dinner 'mum can i have some cooking.' hahha. all because i told him i was cooking so now kai is cooking. hahha.