Ok, now I realise that some people just don't grow up and I also realise that some people can be nasty. But oh my gosh, I have had a pretty catty saturday night.
Now what's happened is that there is a girl who I perform with who really likes my dance partner. My dance partner is a pretty average looking guy but I wouldn't look at him twice in the street. And I was getting ready to go out on the town in the changing rooms at the theatre and she comes up to me and says 'Are you dressing up to impress 'this guy' ' And I turned around and said to her 'Why would I want to impress 'this guy' if i have other guys around the place.' And she said to me 'Oh, do you have guys? Who are these guys Harmony?' I looked at her and turned around and walked out.
Now that was pretty catty. Apparently tho not many people like her at all because she is catty. She says it in a nice way but when you go over it in your head, it's really nasty.
And also today, I helped Amber clean her gross flatmates lounge/kitchen out. It was so disgusting. The fridge/freezer had mould all through it and everything. I was dry retching because it was so disgusting. But Amber went and bought a vacuum cleaner from Forlongs and we bumped into her mum. She was about to walk straight past me ignoring me, but I went right up to her and said 'Hi' and gave her a kiss on the cheek. And then she walked off. It felt so awkward but I said to Amber, I need to be nice to her because eventually, she's going to have to accept that I'm Amber's friend. But then again, she doesnt' have to either. I'm just not going ot be rude to her.
Well, overall I'm having quite a bit of fun and can't wait for the end of the year. I'm trying to get my butt into gear to finish Tangi's headstone so that it can get erected. I feel that I had my time with my husband and it felt really fulfilling. I was able to just relax and unwind next to him. And now I feel that I can accept his entire extended family to be a part of the actual unveiling. So, will see what happens. But if it's not ready on time, then I won't rush it. Becuase I want it looking perfect before it goes up
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Saturday, September 26, 2009
MMM
Do you ever feel like your chest is crushing.
It's been feeling a little bit weird lately. My mood swings have been pretty massive. So when I'm having a really low day, which consists of constant snapping and just sitting there sulking and then the littlest thing that I usually would just brush off just sends me over the edge. I had that feeling yesterday. And to try to pull myself out of it, I took a caffiene pill to perk me up. And because I needed to get my head in a space ready to perform.
As for the musical, the shows have been going pretty good. I've recognised some people in the audience, if they're in the front then I can see them pretty clearly. But only once did it throw me completely off. Luckily my dance partner had a good hold of me and kept me up. Geez. But on the other hand I am having a blast. But the dramas and gossip going on backstage makes me feel like I'm back at high school. With the adults acting like teenagers. And it's only one or two of them. Whereas the actual immature people are 17. So yeah. It's definately an experience. But I have an inkling that I am loved. hahahaha.
Anyways, I better start getting ready because I have 2 shows to do today so it's going to be a very long day.
It's been feeling a little bit weird lately. My mood swings have been pretty massive. So when I'm having a really low day, which consists of constant snapping and just sitting there sulking and then the littlest thing that I usually would just brush off just sends me over the edge. I had that feeling yesterday. And to try to pull myself out of it, I took a caffiene pill to perk me up. And because I needed to get my head in a space ready to perform.
As for the musical, the shows have been going pretty good. I've recognised some people in the audience, if they're in the front then I can see them pretty clearly. But only once did it throw me completely off. Luckily my dance partner had a good hold of me and kept me up. Geez. But on the other hand I am having a blast. But the dramas and gossip going on backstage makes me feel like I'm back at high school. With the adults acting like teenagers. And it's only one or two of them. Whereas the actual immature people are 17. So yeah. It's definately an experience. But I have an inkling that I am loved. hahahaha.
Anyways, I better start getting ready because I have 2 shows to do today so it's going to be a very long day.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Need to get into the game faster
I have calculated that I have lost 15kgs so far since Christmas. And I still have another 15kgs to lose. Now I know that my fat stomach and bits here and there need a definate toning and should be as easy as just cutting it right off. But hey, along with the weightloss is the browning up as well that needs to be done. One summer, I did sun capsules so that when I did go to the beach, I was already brown and also so that my skin wouldn't sizzle. It would've been already used to the sun so I would get a little red but not lobster red. Which usually happens when you go to the beach for a whole day and forget to keep reappling the sun lotion. hahahaha.
Anyways, Opening night for the musical was awesome as. I had so much fun. We got a standing ovation and overheard guests praising the show and our performance. So it was really good.
I have just printed out 2 sets of photocopies of certificates and stuff to send to the the other 2 superannuation places to see if I can claim back on them. So hopefully it works. But now I need to follow up on the first one I sent stuff to to see if they recieved the documents because i havent' recieved any word yet. So hopefully i can get some cash soon and get this headstone finished.
I'm seriously contemplating making a joint unveiling. Mostly because I have had my private day with Tangi. And now I don't mind sharing the day. So, I think that it's going to make his side of the family very happy if i do include them both. And my bro Zappa and Kara will be able to be there for it as well. So yeah. The only dumb thing about the date is that it's exactly at the same time as the auditions for Miss Saigon. So, I'm hoping I can get a time that will be in the morning or mid morning sometime just to get it out of the way.
Life is ok but htings are a bit hard but trying to work through them as best as I can.
Anyways, Opening night for the musical was awesome as. I had so much fun. We got a standing ovation and overheard guests praising the show and our performance. So it was really good.
I have just printed out 2 sets of photocopies of certificates and stuff to send to the the other 2 superannuation places to see if I can claim back on them. So hopefully it works. But now I need to follow up on the first one I sent stuff to to see if they recieved the documents because i havent' recieved any word yet. So hopefully i can get some cash soon and get this headstone finished.
I'm seriously contemplating making a joint unveiling. Mostly because I have had my private day with Tangi. And now I don't mind sharing the day. So, I think that it's going to make his side of the family very happy if i do include them both. And my bro Zappa and Kara will be able to be there for it as well. So yeah. The only dumb thing about the date is that it's exactly at the same time as the auditions for Miss Saigon. So, I'm hoping I can get a time that will be in the morning or mid morning sometime just to get it out of the way.
Life is ok but htings are a bit hard but trying to work through them as best as I can.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Having no internet sucks
Well now that I have officially disconnected my phone and internet, I feel like I'm cut off from the world. LOL!!!!!!
That's overexageration hard out. But oh well. I can be a drama queen if I really want to.
But this was just to check base to let you know that I am still alive and kicking. Ain't nothing happened yet that I can't handle. And I can handle a hell of a lot I've discovered. Just after having a HUGE VENT and then a whoooosaaaaahhhhh then I'm all good. hahahahha.
That's overexageration hard out. But oh well. I can be a drama queen if I really want to.
But this was just to check base to let you know that I am still alive and kicking. Ain't nothing happened yet that I can't handle. And I can handle a hell of a lot I've discovered. Just after having a HUGE VENT and then a whoooosaaaaahhhhh then I'm all good. hahahahha.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Unveiling Postponed
Ok, so now I've postponed the unveiling, some of the stress has kind of come off. But the financial side of things are still looking the same. Am just trying to suss out as many ways to save money but still being realistic. But hey, that's an every day struggle.
Pearl has started daycare and absolutely loves it. It's good but now I feel at a loss when they're both gone. And they're growing up way too fast now. But it's good.
Dupri needs a haircut, it's looking too ugly now. Just a big boff on the top of his head. But he's a good big brother to his little sister.. Looks after her really well.
Luckily I have disconnected my phone and internet especially now that my car is due for another WOF and rego which includes, 2 new tyres and a headlight plus fix the back brake light. I'm due for another car but that's a luxury for the rich and famous.
Well i better go now anyways.
Pearl has started daycare and absolutely loves it. It's good but now I feel at a loss when they're both gone. And they're growing up way too fast now. But it's good.
Dupri needs a haircut, it's looking too ugly now. Just a big boff on the top of his head. But he's a good big brother to his little sister.. Looks after her really well.
Luckily I have disconnected my phone and internet especially now that my car is due for another WOF and rego which includes, 2 new tyres and a headlight plus fix the back brake light. I'm due for another car but that's a luxury for the rich and famous.
Well i better go now anyways.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Breakthrough
Yahhh!!!!!
Ok since my whine in my last post I have now got a solution. I went to someone's place last night to have a look at signage. And they said that I could actually use it to put onto the stone as well so long as it's smooth enough for the signage to stick to it. So my dad was hard out trying to get the plaster as smooth as he possibly could all tonight since he got home. The headstone finish is looking pretty good the more my dad works on it. So tomorrow, I'm going to make sure that I get these stupid super papers certified and then post them off. And then get the permit paid for and handed in so the process can start on time. So hopefully that takes a bit of strain off of everything especially my insane moans. But yeah,my dad is sweet as with what I think and is just waiting for the plaster to dry so that we can see what it looks like.
Ok since my whine in my last post I have now got a solution. I went to someone's place last night to have a look at signage. And they said that I could actually use it to put onto the stone as well so long as it's smooth enough for the signage to stick to it. So my dad was hard out trying to get the plaster as smooth as he possibly could all tonight since he got home. The headstone finish is looking pretty good the more my dad works on it. So tomorrow, I'm going to make sure that I get these stupid super papers certified and then post them off. And then get the permit paid for and handed in so the process can start on time. So hopefully that takes a bit of strain off of everything especially my insane moans. But yeah,my dad is sweet as with what I think and is just waiting for the plaster to dry so that we can see what it looks like.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Coming up a bit too fast
Now I'm starting to get people asking me what's happening with the unveiling so they can make their plans to come to it. I don't mind too much but I don't even know what's happening. It's not because i don't want it to happen, it's just that I've been finding it real hard to even do anything about it. It's like as if everything is just final. Like that's it. And I don't want that feeling but I can't shake it and it's just getting harder and harder every single day.
I haven't even done the permit to be able to install the headstone yet, I've got to wait for my dad to finish the headstone so that we can take it in to the engravers to get it done and then I have to wait for my brother to put a tamoko on the back of it. All the while, I have no money to get any of it done. And even tho I've had people ask me if I need anything, I can't bring myself to ask them for money especially with so much stuff happening at the moment. It just feels like it's getting a bit suffocating. I don't even have an ounce of courage to get these forms off to the superannuation companies that Tangi was with. Because once again, it's erasing him bit by bit. But it's like, I put on this brave face hoping that no one knows whats really going on and I must be doing a really great job because other than my dad, no one has come to say what they can do to help. It's still put back on me, which sounds lazy when i read back on it, but it's not that I'm lazy because i could get it all done in one day if i really wanted to. But it's just physically and emotionally hard for me to deal with any of it. And then on top of that, I've got my show which starts in a couple weeks so I've been trying to focus on being a convincing performer.
i had a talk with one of my mates the other day and i told him what i've been getting up to. It's not a lot of good stuff but I just told him that it numbs this feeling of feeling useless and worthless. It helps me to forget about whats happening and makes me happy for a little while. And he just listened. I told him about my need to help everyone el se around me and he jsut said, 'maybe you need to help yourself. stop focusing on how everyone else is coping with their things, focus on yourself and make yourself better first.' For me, I just told him that hey, i'm fine. i'm working through things alright. everyone else seems to think so. they don't think i'm grieving anymore and that i have some special superpower where i can push all of my feelings behind me. It's not true. But sometimes it feels like that when I'm trying to raise my two kids plus do my calling, plus do my show, plus try to organise my husbands unveiling, plus sort out my finances to try to help out my brother as much as i can, plus try to look at our own place to move into next year. It's not all that bad though. I am having fun. I can feel myself slipping tho.
I haven't even done the permit to be able to install the headstone yet, I've got to wait for my dad to finish the headstone so that we can take it in to the engravers to get it done and then I have to wait for my brother to put a tamoko on the back of it. All the while, I have no money to get any of it done. And even tho I've had people ask me if I need anything, I can't bring myself to ask them for money especially with so much stuff happening at the moment. It just feels like it's getting a bit suffocating. I don't even have an ounce of courage to get these forms off to the superannuation companies that Tangi was with. Because once again, it's erasing him bit by bit. But it's like, I put on this brave face hoping that no one knows whats really going on and I must be doing a really great job because other than my dad, no one has come to say what they can do to help. It's still put back on me, which sounds lazy when i read back on it, but it's not that I'm lazy because i could get it all done in one day if i really wanted to. But it's just physically and emotionally hard for me to deal with any of it. And then on top of that, I've got my show which starts in a couple weeks so I've been trying to focus on being a convincing performer.
i had a talk with one of my mates the other day and i told him what i've been getting up to. It's not a lot of good stuff but I just told him that it numbs this feeling of feeling useless and worthless. It helps me to forget about whats happening and makes me happy for a little while. And he just listened. I told him about my need to help everyone el se around me and he jsut said, 'maybe you need to help yourself. stop focusing on how everyone else is coping with their things, focus on yourself and make yourself better first.' For me, I just told him that hey, i'm fine. i'm working through things alright. everyone else seems to think so. they don't think i'm grieving anymore and that i have some special superpower where i can push all of my feelings behind me. It's not true. But sometimes it feels like that when I'm trying to raise my two kids plus do my calling, plus do my show, plus try to organise my husbands unveiling, plus sort out my finances to try to help out my brother as much as i can, plus try to look at our own place to move into next year. It's not all that bad though. I am having fun. I can feel myself slipping tho.
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